Monthly Archives: October 2017

Positive Factors Of A Healthy Relationship

Many ponder what are positive factors of a healthy relationship. It is difficult to pinpoint at a particular time whether you are in a healthy relationship or not. Arguing with your partner is not particularly a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Having different views sometimes is not either. Therefore, what are the positive factors of a healthy relationship?

Communication

This is one of the most essential aspects of any relationship. You and your partner need to learn how to talk to each other. Laying things on the table are not hard tasks for either of you. With breakdown in communication, your relationship is bound to break down as communication is the key of any relationship. Proper communication takes honesty, understanding, love and empathy.

Compromise

You and your partner are unique people. Each of you has different needs, likes, views and perspectives. This is to say that arguments and disagreements are inevitable. Therefore, learn to compromise. If he loves sports, let him take the day off with his friends to watch the Premier League. Take the day away from him to do some spring-cleaning or meditate.

Independence

Everyone is unique. Therefore, it is important to take time away from your relationship to focus on yourself. Embrace your individuality and do things that you enjoy as yourself. While he is out watching a football match, you could go out doing something you like e.g. painting or riding.

Respect

After a long commitment, partners are bound to get very free with each other. You may find yourself saying or doing offensive things without caring about your partner’s feelings. A key word to remember in every step of your relationship is ‘Respect’. Value your partner for what he/she believes in. Appreciating your partner’s views reaffirms your love for him/her.

Romance

There is a difference between love and being in love. In a relationship, strive to sustain the two. Ensure you are always in love by constantly introducing the spark into your relationship. Romance could as well be the difference between having a platonic relationship or romantic relationship.

Always remember to live, laugh and dream together.

The factors stated above are not mutually exclusive. Short of one factors may signal that you are in an unhealthy relationship. The list is also not exhaustive. At times, it is hard to point out the positive factors of a healthy relationship especially if you have been in a long-term commitment and you have gotten too used to each other. However, if you are in an unhealthy relationship, your conscience will convict you. Many times, we shrug of signs of an unhealthy relationship. Listen to your mind and your heart, and change your relationship for both of you. Make yours a healthy relationship today.

Love/Hate Relationship A Clue About Its Lessons

Was it intended that I meet this woman as I did in the elevator at that particular time in both of our lives? Yes, I believe so.

You’re going to have guilt if you try to benefit from a relationship at the expense of another. You are not going to have peace if you condemn a part of a love one. Each relationship we have must be a total commitment– but the commitment must be to the understanding of the relationship that exists in the Oneness, without guilt.

There is nothing bad about a relationship coming to an end. Just because the relationship ended doesn’t mean that effects from it are not ongoing.

There will always be faith.

There will be guilt if you think you can make your partner into something he or she is not, just because you want it so. Does this sound familiar?

He also knows that you made the relationship, and the Holy Spirit can translate the relationship into holiness by removing as much fear as you will let Him. You can place any relationship under His care and be sure that it will not result in pain, only if you offer Him your willingness to serve no need but His.

This meeting eventually turned into a long relationship.

We had many good times, along with some bad times when, over the years of the relationship, neither one of us could end the love and hate relationship struggle.

All guilt in the relationship comes from your use of it. The Holy Spirit is not concerned with the number of years you remain in a relationship, but the ego surely is.

This is the same thing you do to yourself when you live under the ego’s illusory thought system– try to be something you are not.

Regardless of the time involved in a relationship, the Holy Spirit will need to use this relationship for the purpose of the whole, which means you. Simply try to think briefly, here, how it is that you are the whole.

Your real inner Self

Let’s face it, not feeling whole is a guilty feeling. What I decided to do with the lessons was simply based on my readiness to learn something from the giving and receiving that was involved.

When you and your partner understand this, there is no need to be afraid to let go of your imagined needs; ego-based needs will only destroy the relationship anyway. Your only need while you enjoy each other is the Holy Spirit’s need of the relationship for His use. In this, all relationships are blessed as one.

The Holy Spirit also showed us qualities in each other that brought joy. With the hold our egos had on us, we could not experience the joy that was there as a whole, let alone love. As long as my ego, along with her ego, needed us to use each other, the Holy Spirit simply used what He could from it.

It was not necessarily the direction or the intention given by the Holy Spirit– the true and real guidance system in all of us, for me to continue or for the two of us to make a relationship.

The Holy Spirit merely will use our ego-based decision making–our wrong-mindedness, perhaps, for instance, when you send an aggressive email or text message, to give each party certain lessons, and to provide lessons for others.

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or living arrangement is to assess the quality of relationships that you surround yourself with. Do you surround yourself with loving relationships or unhealthy relationships? For someone that has a pattern or history with unhealthy relationships, the difference between the two may be difficult to decipher.

Healthy relationships are relationships that add to our well being, not subtract. They bring out the best of us by being supportive of our goals and our inner selves. Unhealthy relationships often cause us stress and subtract from our well being, often leaving us feeling depleted of energy.

Common symptoms of unhealthy relationships include sickness, stress, and a negative outlook of ourselves and our world around us. People who are accustomed to unhealthy relationships often stay cornered in situations like this because they do not recognize that there is another way of living. They might continue the unhealthy relationship indefinitely and never seek a better way of life for themselves or they may leave the unhealthy relationship, but not the pattern.

The life pattern is essentially the root of the problem. The pattern may have stemmed from family upbringing or any other form of influential relationship. The key is to recognize the behavior and identify where it is coming from.

A creative way to assess your patterns is to write it down. Take out a notebook that you know you will keep for years to come. Write down all the major relationships that you have had in your life. Your earliest form of relationship more than likely was a family member or someone acting in this form. Note how they showed you love. Then note how you reciprocated that love. Continue in a chronological order with any additional relationships you have had, i.e. friends, personal and love relationships.

Next make a column on your right hand side. Re-read your assessments in order, as you read through them determine whether they were healthy or unhealthy and mark it down in your right hand column. Having an overview of your relationships right before your eyes makes it easier to ‘look’ at. You may actually bring issues to attention that you were not aware of before. For some this may even be a rather emotional exercise, but be reminded it is an exercise encouraging growth and healthy behavior.

Whatever your circumstance take time to assess your own involvements and choices with relationships. Do you always pick a controlling relationship? Or do you always pick a relationship where you are the enabler? Are you respecting your own boundaries while you are in a relationship or are they being sacrificed? Are you always compromising your time and energy to please another? Or are you always compromising your morals or beliefs? Are you maintaining a balance with yourself and other activities? Or are you focusing so much on the other person that you are not taking care of other obligations and priorities?

All of these questions will help you identify the quality of choices you are making when you are choosing relationships. Once you identify your pattern, you can no longer deny an unhealthy relationship. Awareness will make your own behavior and the unhealthy relationship even more difficult to tolerate.

Once you identify your patterns and bring it fourth into awareness, the next process is change. Granted the other party involved will not always agree or like the change that you are going to make, but you have to take action for yourself. In the long run you both will suffer if even one of you is unhappy.

How can we avoid unhealthy relationships? By learning to love and care for ourselves regardless of whether or not someone is in our lives. Once we identify our own needs we can easily work with others feelings without interfering with our own. When we establish a relationship with ourselves, we no longer have to have ‘needy’ relationships. Instead we can re-teach ourselves to have ‘giving’ relationships.

Follow your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right to you with a relationship then pay attention to those feelings. They are there for a reason. Some people can grow together inside their relationships and some may have to grow apart. The key is to look at ourselves and our relationships in their truest light.

Know that each one of us is entitled to have a loving relationship or friendship. We are worthy of receiving love just as we are worthy of giving it. True partnership fills our cups with abundance, joy, and solidarity, a gift that multiplies within our hearts and our families’.

Make Your Relationship New Again

Relationships are generally seen as our main source of support, love, self esteem, enthusiasm and pleasure. Naturally there are differences of degree and type when we look at our relationships with friends, coworkers and acquaintances versus family members or someone we are intimately involved with in a love relationship. Many seek a permanent love relationship which they’d like to last throughout their life. In theory then, we should be exerting every effort in order to nurture and to perfect those relationships.

Do we? Not usually. We may dream of the perfect relationship but actually putting in the time and effort seems beyond us as we struggle with all the details of day to day existence.

Our relationships, then, often become sources of distress, anxiety and feelings of failure when they fail to meet our needs and expectations. Potentially even more damaging, they can become a source of a deep inner rage that can poison one’s life. These are some of the dimensions of relationship problems. Certainly having a problem with a relationship isn’t going to doom it to failure – every relationship has its problems. We are each individual and our needs and desires vary and are sometimes in conflict.

How we deal with these inevitable problems, the effort we put in to resolve them and to allow space for our differences can determine whether a relationship succeeds or withers in misery and failure.

Would you expect to become a great athlete without work? Learning how to have, nurture and protect a love relationship is work. Unfortunately we were not born knowing how to do it and often our early experiences were less than helpful in shaping our abilities to relate. The statistics on divorce are disheartening.

To succeed in any relationship, we must make an effort to keep things intact. Taking our partner for granted, failing to see our partner as a unique and special individual is the beginning of the end. Merely hoping that things will be good is nonsense. What you do day by day to support, encourage and enrich your partner will help a relationship grow.

Too many people simply go from one “relationship” to another seeking some perfect automatic solution that simply doesn’t exist. We all know the excitement of a new love, the craziness and the powerful emotions of falling in love. Some become addicted to that newness and confuse it with being in love. They expect those feelings to endure and when those feelings fade, they seek to recapture them. But the only way to truly do that is in a new relationship.

We do not see clearly, we do not know our partner as we are falling in love, To build a relationship that will last over time, the couple must move beyond falling in love toward being in love. This is a much more conscious process and requires some work and understanding. It requires an ability to share and to recognize the unique value of the other person. It requires building experiences and feelings and activities in common. All of this takes time and as time passes, we have a tendency to start taking our partner and our relationship for granted. Our responses become automatic. We hardly even see the other person any more. We have reduced everything to a dull habit.

And that is a major relationship killer. The same way you can drive a familiar route without even consciously seeing the street, the other cars, or the people on the sidewalks, your relationship turns invisible.

There’s no way a short article like this can cover every aspect of building a successful relationship. Nor can it describe every problem. After all, every one of you is a unique person and your relationships all have their own unique qualities. What I want to stress is that letting your relationship turn into a routine, letting it become a habit is one of the very worst things you can do.

Look for opportunities to do new things together, explore each other’s ideas and beliefs. Take your partner seriously and pay attention to everything. Force yourself to see, really see, your partner again. Regain a sense of play, fool around with each other again. Flirt and tease. Does it sound absurd? It might, but if you want a love relationship that lasts, you must make the effort. Starting right now.